This is a story about heartbreak

while driving up a mountain in rocky mountain national park, my sister, 16 years my senior, who i idolized beyond all measure -

this woman who had a fucked up childhood, pregnant at 16, and tough as goddamn nails

who was abandoned repeatedly by my father, then every other man she encountered because that’s how the cycle of abuse and neglect works

who once drunkenly told me, hushed and anxious, to NEVER tell anyone i had told her that her husband had never given her an orgasm.

they’d been married over ten years. together even longer.

i had adored her husband. due to the age gap, i’d never known life without him. my sister and he had married when i was around 5. so that nerdy, dry, introverted young man became like blood to me.

but i never liked how he spoke to my sister. always so cutting. she could never show off her intellect or poke fun at him. his tongue was like a whip, quick and searing. he never let her forget a verbal misstep. if she knew something, he knew it better and more accurately.

as we grew older, i became my sister’s seemingly only confidant in her marital problems. having come close to divorce at the beginning of their marriage, my mom told me often how their parents had to physically step in and convince them to see it through.

this was presented as the clearly correct action; look how everything turned out, they’re so happy now!

i had doubts.

but that’s the thing about sleeping people. you can’t acknowledge the doubts or give breath to them. waking up is too frightening.

and so, despite years of abject unhappiness in her life and her marriage, my sister stayed.

the lack of surprise doesn’t make an event any less painful.

my brother in law had taken a hard right turn around 2015. it was devastating to see, but unfortunately so many of us have been there. i kept my distance.

earlier this year, after years of no contact, he stalked me online, found my social media profile, and harassed me about being gay.

when i blocked him, he unleashed a verbally violent torrent of rage upon me via text message. i…